


Solitude

by justtoarguewithyou



Series: Tumblr Comfort Mini Fest with SwottyPotter [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Hogwarts, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26663023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justtoarguewithyou/pseuds/justtoarguewithyou
Summary: Today's theme was solitude. This is Sirius's experience of waiting on Remus to come home from his Order mission.The previous work "Returning" is the first part. This is the corresponding second part.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Tumblr Comfort Mini Fest with SwottyPotter [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1933714
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Solitude

Sirius had broken out his uncle’s bottle of Old Midleton Irish whiskey. It was nearly time for a new bottle, as the refilling charm only worked so many times before whatever you were refilling tasted slightly of vinegar.

This whiskey was nothing like vinegar, though. It still tasted like vanilla, and fruit and the way the sun had shone on the golden grain the day it was harvested.

Sirius was in an artificially good mood, thanks to the whiskey. He listened to “Corcovado” for the third time in a row. The Getz/Gilberto record was one of many incredible things he had inherited from Uncle Alphard. Alphard had left him the whiskey, the records, his flat, an embarrassingly large fortune.

This record was calming. He needed it, as he was waiting for Remus to come home. Remus was overdue.

About a month before, after an interminably long and boring Order meeting, Albus had pulled Remus aside to give him his orders while Sirius was talking James and Lily into going out.

Sirius had just wanted to go out and get pissed with his friends. The Prewetts were always game for a laugh. Alice and Frank were going home to “have an early evening,” Frank had said, but they all knew what that meant. There was a lot of winking, and Fabian had teased Frank as Alice stepped into the fireplace. Frank had shot Fabian a vee, and floo’ed after her, saying Fabian was just jealous that he wasn’t getting any.

Fabian had shrugged. He certainly wasn’t.

Later, after they’d gone out, had laughed as much as they could, and were drunkenly undressing each other, Remus told Sirius that Albus had given him instructions regarding his werewolf liaison missions. He was leaving for a month, and that he was under strict instructions not to disclose any of it.

And Remus hadn’t. Not really. He told Sirius, because of course he told Sirius. Their reasoning was, if they shared everything with each other, they would know who had blabbed if it was information that only the other person was supposed to know.

“It’s a kind of insurance, isn’t it,” Sirius had said, kissing Remus, languidly, “I won’t have us ruining a perfectly good friendship and our truly spectacular sex life,” Sirius had added, divesting Remus of his sweater vest and unbuttoning his shirt another night after another interminably long Order meeting, “over a megalomaniacal You Know Who and a bunch of power-hungry, pretentious and pompous Slytherins.”

Remus had laughed at his alliteration, and then they had very intense, and incredibly sloppy…

 _Absolutely not thinking about that_ , Sirius thought, as Side B finished playing, and the arm lifted the needle off the record. He got up and turned the record over, and vocalized along to the opening bars of “The Girl from Ipanema.”

It had been their first moon apart in however many months. And for one month, Sirius had been very steadfast, and brave, and very patient. He’d run errands for the Order. He had eaten regularly (he knew Remus would get after him if he didn’t). He’d seen James and Lily, gone to Order meetings when they were called.

But he’d begun to unravel on the 31st day, and now, on the 32nd day, he’d been up since 6 a.m., and was drinking his second glass of whiskey at 10 a.m., and rifling through Uncle Alphard’s albums.

Sirius put on “Jazz at Massey Hall” for a few minutes, then let out a deep breath and put on Kate Bush’s “The Kick Inside,” but he decided he couldn’t listen to any of Remus’s albums.

He took it off and put on The Scream by Siouxie and the Banshees. He tapped along impatiently to “Pure.” But when, “Jigsaw” came on, Sirius thought of the night he'd brought the record home.

“This sounds like something the bartenders play when it was closing time at the pub, and they want everyone to leave immediately,” Remus had said.

Sirius had punched him playfully, and they’d kissed their way through the rest of the album and had very sloppy and incredibly intense… Sirius laughed to himself. There was no getting away from thinking about a naked Remus. It distracted him from thinking about a post-transformation Remus, who most likely needed him very much.

Sirius lay down near the stereo speakers, and thought about the several quiet conversations that he and James had had over the past several months since joining the Order. He and James were never quite sure what they thought of Albus Dumbledore. He was brilliant, yes, but there was something so very sly about him, too.

“He plays his cards very close to his chest,” James had said. “And I don’t understand the need for secrecy amongst our own.”

“I’m not sure I like it, either,” Sirius had replied.

Sirius sighed, and put on The Clash, and even broke out The Stooges for old time’s sake. Gideon had invited him to a pub that night. He needed to eat and stop drinking if he was going out later. If he was going to get through another day of waiting for Remus.

He left the flat and went to get some apples, peanut butter, the chocolate biscuits that Remus was partial to. He bought bacon and eggs and bread. He even bought a few vegetables. He remembered to get more tea for Remus: Earl Grey, jasmine, oolong, Darjeeling, Ceylon. Anything that struck Sirius’ fancy. They’d run out before Remus left. He also needed feverfew, lavender and chamomile from the apothecary.

He ran his errands, and picked up some take away he barely wanted. He went home to the (still) empty flat. He went out with Gideon.

He came home to the (still) empty flat and slept alone. He hated sleeping alone.

He waited.

The 33rd day was much like the 32nd day, except James and Lily came to feed him dinner, and he didn’t go to a pub. Instead, they finished what was left of a bottle of vodka together, and told stories, and gossiped about Order members.

“Did you know that Marlene McKinnon was seeing Dorcas Meadows?” Lily asked.

Sirius did know. “I saw them at the Moonlight Club earlier this summer, snogging while Adam Ant was onstage,” he said. “Marlene’s leather-clad swagger rivals my own. Dorcas had painted her eyes in heavy liner, and she’d teased her hair.”

Lily was absolutely chuffed.

“What about Peter and Mary MacDonald? Is Peter really interested, or do you think it’s going to be another Hestia Jones situation?”

James and Sirius just shrugged. Neither was sure they would ever understand Peter’s love life.

“I really do feel that Peter has not, might never, get over Amelia Bones…” Lily said, opening one of Remus’s chocolate bars. Sirius frowned, but said nothing. He’d get Remus more chocolate tomorrow. It would get him out of the house.

All evening, while talking with his friends, he waited. His skin crackled with the waiting.

Sirius slept alone. He hated it.

On the 34th day, Sirius finally finished the Old Midleton and went around to three liquor stores looking for a replacement. He blessed Uncle Alphard and his bank account when the shop owner rung him up for two bottles of the stuff. The shop owner had looked like Christmas had come early.

He went to Diagon Alley. He ate something. Probably.

Later, he felt very maudlin, and broke out his secret copy of The Carpenters’ The Singles 1969-1973, which he hid in the sleeve of a recording of Beethoven piano sonatas. He thought of Remus, and how they’d only just begun to live…

He fell asleep on the floor after listening to songs off at least 30 different albums.

The 35th day, he woke up, hid his Carpenters album, and went to brush his teeth. He almost choked on his toothpaste when he heard a key turn in the front door.

“Sirius?” Remus called.

Sirius practically apparated out of the bathroom, and held Remus so so close, almost as if he could hide Remus inside himself.

“Moony, Moony, Moony,” he cooed, his hands in Remus’s hair, pressing desperate kisses to his mouth, feeling Remus relax, melting against him. “I’ve been so miserable without you.”


End file.
